in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
