I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
