she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
