i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
How naked do you want me to be?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
