Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
