i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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