And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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