turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
