accomplished twins. life is a go
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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