You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
