Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
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Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
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I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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