and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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