I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
