hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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