ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
