He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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