Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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