my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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