Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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