Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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