you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
