pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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