It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
