A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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