I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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