I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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