I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
