I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
