So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Randomize
