Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
