But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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