I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
