your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
