Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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