What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
