Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
