dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
