It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
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I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
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You can't just leave with hair like that
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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