oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
if i can run in heels then i can drive
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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