just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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