I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Sext me about skeletons
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
