You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize