but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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