update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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