I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
