just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
