The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
