Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
