I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
