i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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