Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
