My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
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I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
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Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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