Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
