So drunk its hurt
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
