Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
