Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
