So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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