You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
