i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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