i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
