well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
