I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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