there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
