Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
