I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize