My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
