would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
