Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
